After almost 5 years of starting this blog (and completely forgetting
about it over the past 4 and a half years), I sat down to read what I had
written. I thought the few articles written previously were really funny and
decided I should continue. 5 years is a long time and from a blog that was
mainly centered on ridiculing cricket I felt I had to branch out. So I picked
the next best thing to mock - Arsenal FC. This is an article on why I will
always be an Arsenal fan
For those who do not know about Arsenal FC, Arsenal is a
football club that plays in the top division of English football, the English
Premier league. They have a manager called Arsene Wenger and if you watch them
play football more likely than not you will find them making arses of
themselves on the field
Arsenal’s performance in the premier league has been a lot
like mine or any average student’s throughout their academic careers. It involved
a lot of complacency for most of the year and like how I would burn the
midnight oil just before my final exams, to ensure I do not get held back,
Arsenal have always pulled through and managed a finish in the top 4.
Arsenal, over the past have never been a complete team. There
has always been one idiot (read Mathieu Flamini) to hold them back and ensure
they do not make any impact in the world class level and I don’t want to name
names, but I’m sure everybody has had that one happy go lucky friend who prioritizes
beer over books. If you have never had such a friend, then more likely than
not, you are that friend and if you are that friend then stop being a Mathieu
Flamini you moron! But Arsenal have also always had a saving grace as well, Thierry Henry, Cesc Fabregas, Robin van Persie
to name a few, who have carried the burden of the team on their shoulders to
ensure they secure a champion league berth, so betting websites
can give them ridiculous odds like 20-1 of winning the cup. Those are the same
odds Milos Raonic has of winning the Wimbledon and if you want to throw your
money away on a Milos to win the Wimbledon, you might as well do it on this guy.
And Just like Arsenal have their go to guy, so do I. A friend whose room I would barge into at the 11th hour and entrust him to drill enough subject matter into my head to carry me through to
the next year. Again if you do not have that friend, most probably you are that
friend and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being that friend and
getting me to where I am today. Where I am is not as important as where I am
not and where I am not is college a place where I would still be if not for
those friends.
Mathieu Flamini performing one of his signature challenges on an opponent
Arsene wenger is most popularly known for ‘crying’ in his
post-game press conferences. He is never hesitant to blame the referees,
opposition players for playing dirty; basically he has a myriad of reasons for Arsenal’s
lacklustre performances. And Wenger’s post-match press conference is tantamount
to my parents asking me why I messed up, and Just like Wenger has his reasons to placate us naïve Arsenal fans I have my justifications ready as well,
‘The paper was hard’, ‘This teacher hates me and is out to make my life
miserable’ etc. Occasionally though Wenger admits that his team put together a
below par performance and so do I for not studying. But undoubtedly the best thing about Arsene
Wenger is that he can lower your expectations without you even realizing it. When
times look most bleak for the Arsenal, he digs deep and puts together a
series of good performances ensuring Arsenal reach the top 4. These series of events essentially
change the Arsenal fan from a person who at the beginning of
the year expects a trophy to a person who is exalted just to know that his team
has finished in the top 4. And out comes the banner “In Arsene we trust”
So listen up all you Arsenal fans, next time you complain
about Arsenal, introspect; ‘is your way of life in any way different from the Arsenal
model?’, ‘were you never proud of your mediocrity?’ In conclusion Arsenal is
just like you or me, all they need in a second chance for the 100th
time. So forgive them this season and be prepared to forgive them the next season and the next season and for the rest
of your lives. #COYG
P.S Here are a few things Arsenal can learn from engineering
colleges in India
- If matches played are commensurate to classes attended then every Arsenal player should have at least 75% attendance else they will be sold to a division 2 team. A feasible solution to solve the ubiquitous injury crisis that plagues the team
- Just like in college, if the nerds of the class are not present, it’s highly unlikely the rest of the class will. So when Ozil, Sanchez, Giroud and Cazorla are not playing, the rest of team need not play as well and can opt to ‘mass bunk’ the game, saving the fans a lot of time and giving an opportunity for something else to disappoint them that week
- And finally if an exam is hard, like a diligent college student, give up on studying for it and pray your invigilator is a nice guy. So the next time Arsenal is playing Chelsea, instead of practicing hard or spending hours on prior preparation try getting Thierry Henry to be the referee instead
